Peer Pressure

Peer Pressure Overview

Your peers are people of your own age and social group. Peers include friends, classmates, coworkers, and neighbors. Applying pressure means putting influence on people to make them change how they behave and relate to others.

If you experience peer pressure, you might feel like you have to change how you act, dress, talk, and live so you ‘fit in’ more with your peers.

Many teens say that they have done something that goes against their own values because of peer pressure from their friends – they do what the group is doing because they don’t want to be left out. Does that sound like something you’ve done?

Peer pressure can be good because it can motivate you to be your best. For example, in a sports group you might feel peer pressure to practice hard and play well. This is good peer pressure because it can help you live healthy.

But, peer pressure can also be bad because it can bring you down from being your best. For example, your peers might pressure you to drink too much alcohol when you would rather not because you feel awful when you drink it and hate being drunk. Negative peer pressure can also tell you that you ‘aren’t good enough’.

You can say no to peer pressure! Enjoying your teen years is important, and they’re a great time to figure out who you are – not who you are told to be.

Ask yourself some questions to find out if you’re influenced by peer pressure:

Do I have friends that influence how I think?
Are these influences positive (good) or negative (bad)?
Do I do things because of peer pressure? Do I do things when I don’t want to do them?
What kind of things are they?
Do I want to stop being affected by peer pressure?

What if you are part of peer pressuring other people? Ask yourself some questions:

Do I make fun of someone because they aren’t doing the ‘normal’ thing? Why?
Do I act differently when I’m with my friends than when I’m at home?
Do I peer pressure people to try to impress my friends?
Is that the kind of person I want to be?

You can avoid negative peer pressure, and you don’t have to pressure other people. Remember that individuality is a special thing – encourage your friends and yourself to figure out who you are and what you want out of life.

Remember that you are important. Your life counts, and you can make a difference in this world. If you ever need to talk about this or anything else, feel free to get in touch with us. We’re here for you.

20 Ways to Avoid Peer Pressure

February 21, 2013

Alison Bell (writing in Teen Magazine) suggests:

1. Ask 101 questions.

For example, if a pal pressures you to smoke, ask her why she smokes, how long she has smoked, if she minds having ashtray breath.

2. Say “No” like you mean it.

Make eye contact, then say “No” forcefully, with authority. The more certain you are in your refusal, the less people will bug you.

3. Back-up a no with a positive statement.

For example, if you’re turning down an offer to smoke weed, say something like, “I like my brain the way it is, thanks.”

4. Be repetitive.

Don’t hesitate to state your position over and over again.

5. Practice saying no.

Practice saying ‘no’ in safe environments, like when your big brother asks you if you’d like to spend Saturday night doing his laundry.

6. Get away from the pressure zone.

Leave the scene… make your exit.

7. Avoid stressful situations in the first place.

If you know there’s going to be alcohol or drugs at a party, make other plans. Or, if you’re going out with a guy, avoid being alone with him… anywhere he might pressure you to get more physical than you want to be.

8. Use the buddy system.

Find a friend who shares your values and back each other up.

9. Confront the leader of the pack.

The best way to handle a peer pressure bully is to nab him (or her) when the two of you are alone and explain how you’re feeling and ask him/her to get off your case.

10. Consider the results of giving in.

Take a moment to think about the consequences of your actions.

11. Look for positive role models.

Ever notice that the real popular and successful teens at your school are the ones who weren’t afraid to say what they like and don’t like?

12. Don’t buy the line that everyone’s doing it.

The truth is, everyone’s NOT doing it.

13. Seek support.

Talk out any peer pressure you’re experiencing with other friends who are also feeling the squeeze. I can be reassuring to know that you’re not the only one.

14. Be your own best friend.

Remind yourself every now and then that you’re special and nuke any negative statements.

15. Find ways to excel.

Challenge yourself to do your best. Focus your attention on following your personal goals instead of the goals of the group.

16. Don’t pressure others.

Watch out for any subtle forms of pressure you may be exerting.

17. Speak out!

Fight peer pressure by taking the side of the underdog. Supporting others’ opinions will send the message that you think for yourself.

18. Watch your moods.

Be aware that your moods can affect your sensibility.

19. Evaluate your friendships.

If your friends are always bugging you to do something you’re not comfortable with, remember that true friends like you for who you are, not who they want you to be.

20. Find new friends.

If you’ve decided that your friends don’t have your best interests at heart, search out new friends who share your values and interests.

Peer Pressure: Some True Stories

You’re not alone in peer pressure. Here are some real stories:

Mike (aged 16) says:

“I smoked my first cigarette when I was 11. I didn’t want to but all my friends were smoking and I didn’t want to be out of the group. Once I’d started I couldn’t stop. I was addicted… I wish I hadn’t started. I knew it was wrong and I didn’t want to.”

Liz (aged 15) says:

“I went to a party with my friends from school. My mom always told me not to allow any guys to take advantage of me and to stick together with my friends when I’m at parties. All my friends said they wanted to have some fun with a guy and most of them said they had been with a guy. I had never been with a guy and didn’t want to. But at this party all my friends danced with guys and I went into the garden with a guy who said he wanted to go somewhere quiet. I don’t know why I did that. He raped me in the garden while everyone was having fun at the party. The music was so loud no one could hear me. The cops came and it was horrible. I don’t want anyone to go through what I went through.”

Ryan (aged 15) says:

“I like cars a lot. Me and my friends started stealing cars over a year ago. I didn’t want to do it but we all felt we could have some fun and get away with it… I’ve been caught twice by the cops and they say if I do this again I will go to jail. I don’t like what this has done to my mom and dad. They don’t want me to hang with these guys anymore but they’re my friends… I wouldn’t do this on my own but when I’m with the guys it makes me feel good and I can do stuff.”

Corey (aged 17) says:

“I want to share this with other teens. Please don’t do what I did. I used to live upstate in the country. There were 5 of us friends and we had talked about what it was like to use a shotgun. We didn’t have one but my friend’s dad had one locked in a cabinet in his home. My friend had a key so we took the gun outside. We were all excited and were messing around with the gun. We loaded a couple of cartridges and shot at some squirrels in a tree. We did this a lot. But the gun somehow went off and my friend Zak got shot in the back. He nearly died. He’s ok now. We all knew it was wrong but we did it anyways. I’ll never forget that day.”

Alison (aged 18) says:

“I started doing drugs when I was 15. All my friends were into it and I honestly felt it was ok to do the stuff with them. I now know that I shouldn’t have done and it has taken me over a year to get back to where I’m at today. I’ve got drugs out of my body. I still don’t feel good about it and some days can be better than others… but I’m looking forwards, not backwards. I think that’s important. I know it was peer pressure that got me into that stuff. We all got screwed up. My advice to anyone is if you know that you shouldn’t do stuff then don’t do it – even if your friends think it’s cool. It’s not worth it… and your life gets messed up. I still have some of my friends but they’ve changed. They’re still trying to get their lives together. Don’t do drugs. You only get one body and only you can look after it.”

Brad (aged 17) says:

“My peer group wants to make a difference. We are all doing well at school and we want to keep it that way. We know there are bad things out there and we want to help each other to make the right decisions. My friends are like family to me and we all look out for each other. It’s what keeps me calm ‘cause I need them to support me when I need help. I’m there for them when they need me to. It’s cool and it works.”