Dating Violence

Dating violence (or Domestic violence) is a form of abuse. Abuse is when someone shows disrespect to another person and tries to hurt, control, or bully them. It’s not just physical. If you find that you can answer ‘yes’ to any of the things on the list below, look for help:

Social Abuse – My partner…

• stops me from seeing friends and family
• follows me or is always pressurizing me to say where I’m going
• monitors my time spent away from him/her
• stops me from leaving the house
• stops me from having a job
• stops me from getting medical help
• tries to turn others against me

Emotional & Verbal Abuse – My partner…

• makes me feel stupid, often
• threatens to take their life if I leave the relationship
• tells me I am crazy, useless etc.
• goes through my personal things, even without permission (e-mail, Facebook, MySpace, mail,
• purse, phone)

Psychological Abuse & Threats – My partner threatens to…

• turn people against me
• leave the relationship unless I do as they say
• see another person
• take my money
• come after me if I leave the relationship
• hurt or kill me

Financial Abuse – My partner…

• takes control of all the money without letting me have any
• makes me tell them everything I spend money on
• makes me ask for necessities
• undermines my attempts to get / keep / improve my job or education
• makes me ask for money
• makes all of our major decisions without consulting me

Sexual Abuse – My partner…

• pressures me to have sex, sometimes in ways I really don’t like
• withholds sex from me to ‘punish’ me
• forces me to have sex
• makes me feel like an object or possession, not a person

Physical Abuse – My partner…

• throws / pushes / grabs / shoves / chokes / kicks / hits me
• pulls my hair
• twists my arm
• hurts my pets
• deprives me of sleep

Abuse happens in different relationships – domestic abuse (between partners, or parents of the same child); child abuse (parent to child); dating or relationship abuse (between you and the one you date).

Violence and abuse is always wrong, and against the law.

You do not have to live with abuse; there is help and there is hope. If you feel you may need to get out, call a local abuse shelter to find out your options. If you want someone to talk to, you can get in touch with us – we will try to connect you with a place that can help you.

Remember that you are important. Your life counts, and you can make a difference in this world. If you ever need to talk about this or anything else, feel free to get in touch with us. We’re here for you.

If you are being abused in your relationship, there is help and hope. Violence will not “just stop” – the abuser has to make the choice to stop. If you feel safe enough to tell your boyfriend or girlfriend how you feel, let them know that their abusive behaviour needs to stop. Don’t accept excuses and don’t cover up for their abuse. Encourage him/her to get help, and reach out to your family, friends, or if you need to, a help resource for abused partners.1

If you don’t feel safe in your relationship, get out of it. You deserve the best for your life. Tell your family and friends that you are making the choice to leave, and let them help you and hold you accountable. If you feel that your safety is threatened, get in contact with a local shelter – they know how to deal with these issues.

You need to know that you are not to blame and that help is available. Violence among teen relationships is quite high – with statistics showing that 1 in 10 teens is affected by dating violence. That’s more common than many of us realize.

If you are caught up in violence in this way we encourage you to get in touch with us or reach out for help that is available in your community. Remember that you are important. Your life counts, and you can make a difference in this world. If you ever need to talk about this or anything else, feel free to get in touch with us. We’re here for you.

Violence in a dating relationship is common, however it is not normal. You are a valuable, special and important person. You deserve respect, and you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel safe and free. Take the following quiz to see if your relationship is good for you.

• I enjoy spending time with my boyfriend/girlfriend: T/F
• My boyfriend/girlfriend makes me feel respected: T/F
• My boyfriend/girlfriend pressures me to have sex: T/F
• I am always scared my boyfriend/girlfriend will be mad at me: T/F
• I am free to spend lots of time with my family/friends: T/F
• My boyfriend/girlfriend is often suspicious of me for no reason: T/F
• I want to break up with my boyfriend/girlfriend but am afraid that things will get worse: T/F
• My boyfriend/girlfriend has tried to change the way I act/dress: T/F
• My boyfriend/girlfriend has hurt me and blamed it on me: T/F
• I am in a relationship because I don’t want to be single: T/F

After taking that short quiz, take a look at your relationship. Is it the type of relationship that you want to be in?

Remember that you are important. Your life counts, and you can make a difference in this world. If you ever need to talk about this or anything else, feel free to get in touch with us. We’re here for you.

Date rape happens when someone is forced against their will to have sex with another person. In most cases the victim will know the attacker but there are some cases where the victim has never met the attacker.

Usually, sexual predators use alcohol or drugs to commit sexual assault: they will add the date rape drug as a powder to the victim’s drink, and the victim will then be sexually assaulted and not remember it. It is important to remember that mixing drugs with alcohol can be fatal and serious. People who commit date rapes will likely spend time in jail.

Date rape is very damaging to the victim both physically and emotionally. Often a victim can feel guilty, responsible, or embarrassed for what happened to them, even though date rape is NEVER the victim’s fault. Victims of date rape can seek help. If you or someone you know was a victim of date rape, check out our article “Someone I know is a Victim of Date Rape”.

Remember that you are important. Your life counts, and you can make a difference in this world. If you ever need to talk about this or anything else, feel free to get in touch with us. We’re here for you.

What can people do to reduce the chances of becoming a victim? If you plan to drink at a party, here are some suggestions for keeping yourself safe.

• Bring your own drinks to parties.
• Plan to have no alcohol, or a limit of alcohol. Risk of rape is higher when you lose your inhibitions, which can happen with high alcohol intake.
• At a party, never leave your drink unattended.
• At a party, keep your hand over the top of your glass to ensure that nothing could be slipped in without you noticing.
• Don’t drink from punch bowls
• If someone offers to buy you a drink at a bar, go to the bar with that person to accept the drink. Watch the bartender make the drink, and take it directly from the bartender.
• Do not drink from something being passed from person to person.
• Stick with your friends. Don’t separate from them, and don’t go anywhere alone.
• Watch out for your friends – if they appear to be intoxicated in a short amount of time, take them to a safe place.
• Go on dates in groups, especially if you are just getting to know your date
• Always tell someone where you will be going and what time you plan to be back
• Only drink one type of alcoholic beverage at a party. Mixing alcohol isn’t a good idea.
• Eat dinner before going out. Don’t drink on an empty stomach.

Remember that you are important. Your life counts, and you can make a difference in this world. If you ever need to talk about this or anything else, feel free to get in touch with us. We’re here for you.

Remember: If you have been sexually hurt, it is NOT your fault. You should NOT feel guilty or ashamed. If you have been hurt, contact your local rape crisis centre, or talk to someone you trust, like a friend or parent. It is important to get help as soon as possible. If you need to talk to someone about this, you can always contact Your Life Counts.

If you or someone you know experiences memory loss, unexplained drowsiness, confusion, impaired judgement, quick intoxication after one or two drinks, or an inability to remember details the following day with possible discomfort around the genital area:

• Report the incident to the police so they can collect evidence and investigate. This is important so you can make sure that nobody else experiences date rape.
• Call a rape crisis centre in your local area. They are anonymous and can give you the support you need.
• Do not shower, douche, or have a bowel movement. Save all worn clothing and underwear because it can be considered evidence.
• Do not touch anything in the area that may be considered evidence.
• Get medical attention and be examined for external and internal injuries, STIs, and pregnancy.
• Request a urine test for drug analysis.
• Talk to someone you trust and let them know what happened to you.

This experience is highly traumatic so it is crucial that you seek medical help and avail yourself of all the help and support that may be available to you. Although this doesn’t help much, it is true to say that your sharing of your attack may help prevent the perpetrator(s) from doing this to anyone else.

Remember that you are important. Your life counts, and you can make a difference in this world. If you ever need to talk about this or anything else, feel free to get in touch with us. We’re here for you.

The drugs that are commonly used for date rape are usually slipped into a drink by the predator. It is always good to be educated on the risks that are out there. To find more information on how to avoid being a victim of date rape, check out our article “Date Rape: How Can I Avoid It?”

Roofies

Rohypnol is Hoffman-LaRoche’s registered trade name for Flunitrazepam. It is available in at least 64 countries worldwide and is a prescription drug used for sleep disorders and psychiatric cases. It is ten times more potent than Valium.

Sexual predators often refer to Rohypnol by street names that derived from the mispronunciation and misspelling of the drug’s name. Rophies, Roofies, Rope, Rib, R2, and Mexican Valium are just a few of the street names. It is also referred to the “Forget Pill”.

Rohypnol is colourless, tasteless and odorless, and when combined with even the smallest amount of alcohol can cause almost immediate uninhibiting effects. The victim may appear to be drunk but is in fact drugged and has no idea what is going on.

Liquid Ecstacy

GHB, Gamma hydroxy butyrate, was used as an anesthetic on humans in Europe during the 1950s. It has been studied in the use of treating conditions such as narcolepsy, Parkinson’s disease and schizophrenia.

The street names for GHB are Easy Lay, Ever Clear, Georgia Home Boy, G, Gcap, Liquid Ecstasy, Grievous Bodily Harm, Cherry Meth and Soap. GHB is a clear liquid that can be easily disguised with food coloring. It can be mixed with juices, alcohol or other liquids to disguise taste and look. It is also found in a powdered form which resembles soap powder in look and in texture.

GHB has a plastic or salty taste and is often mixed with a sweet drink to disguise the taste. It will also turn a clear drink cloudy. These drugs are very, very dangerous and can cause a range of side effects – all of which are serious and can be life threatening.

Do NOT attempt to use these drugs under any circumstances as the result could be fatal.

Remember that you are important. Your life counts, and you can make a difference in this world. If you ever need to talk about this or anything else, feel free to get in touch with us. We’re here for you