Abuse
What is Abuse?
Abuse is an attempt to control the behaviour of another person. It is a misuse of power which uses the bonds of intimacy, trust and dependency to make the victim vulnerable. – the Edmonton Police Service.
Find out more about Abuse in this section – if you have a story to share that you feel may be helpful to others please send it to us and we’ll consider including it. Please understand there are all kinds of reasons why we can’t include some personal submissions but most of the time we can include submissions received from you and others. Thank you – take care; find out more here and remember your life is very precious. Your Life Counts and we’re here for YOU!
There are many types of abuse, but abuse usually occurs between people that already know each other or have a relationship. For example, dating abuse, family / child abuse, and domestic abuse are very common forms of abuse that people experience.
Although abuse is common, it is not normal and it is not OK. Nobody deserves to be abused, and there is help for victims of abuse. You do not have to live with abuse.
Types of Abuse
There are different types of abuse: social, emotional, financial, sexual, and physical. Even though each type isn’t as visible or obvious as the next, each type of abuse can be very painful. If you think you may be suffering abuse, check out our article “I am being abused”.
Social abuse
This is when one person in the relationship stops the other from seeing family or friends, or even having a job. One partner in the relationship often checks up on where the other person is, and controls who they are and are not allowed to spend time with. This is very controlling and can hurt the victim’s social life.
Emotional abuse
This is sometimes also called ‘verbal abuse’. Emotional abuse is when one person in the relationship puts the other person or people down, and makes them feel inferior and bad about themselves. Name calling or constant blaming is an example of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse can also include what’s called “emotional blackmail”, which is where one person makes a threat against the other person – like, “if you leave, I’ll take my own life”. Emotional abuse is harmful because it controls the victim, making them believe things that aren’t true so they feel that the only person that could ever love them is the one abusing them.
Financial abuse
This is where one person in the relationship takes control of the shared money in the household, and uses it for things that don’t support the whole relationship or family or stops the other partner from having any money. Financial abuse makes the victim unable to have the financial freedom to do things like go grocery shopping, buy gas for the car, or even buy new clothes.
Sexual abuse
This is where one person in the relationship forces the other person in the relationship to do sexual things that the victim doesn’t want to do like looking at or touching private areas. Most times, the victim is either unaware of what is happening or is physically forced to become a victim. Sexual abuse turns sexuality into something very scary and damaging, when sexuality is supposed to be something very special. Victims of sexual abuse often have difficulty feeling safe in future relationships.
Neglect
This is when a parent or guardian doesn’t take care of the needs of a child or their dependent. Examples of this is: not providing food, shelter, clothing; not ensuring proper hygiene like brushing teeth or showering; or not seeking proper medical attention when it’s needed.
If you believe that any of these forms of abuse are happening to you, check out our article “I am being abused” to find out what you can do.
Remember that you are important. Your life counts, and you can make a difference in this world. If you ever need to talk about this or anything else, feel free to get in touch with us. We’re here for you.
Abuse in the Family
Family abuse is when one member of the family tries to hurt or bully another member of the family, or does things to them that make them feel bad about themselves. Parents and adults in your family have a responsibility to look after you and care about you.
Family abuse can go on between siblings (brothers and sisters), or between parents and children. Often families keep the abuse a secret and don`t want anybody to know about what is happening.
Family members should always show each other respect. Everybody has the right to express opinions and beliefs, but when these beliefs aren`t represented in a caring and loving way, family members can feel hurt.
Family abuse is signified by a lack of respect for other people in the family, and an attempt to hurt, control or bully other family members. Instead of looking after you, they do things that can hurt you or make you feel bad about yourself.
The difference between arguments and abuse:
All families have arguments – that`s normal. But there is a difference between an argument and abuse. In an argument, all people should be able to remain fairly calm, have their opinions heard, and feel that their family still cares for them in the same way. In an abusive situation, family members feel afraid to share their opinion because they are worried that the other person will hurt them in some way.
If you feel that you are having a hard time controlling your anger during an argument, check out our article “Dealing with Anger“ to help you out.
Remember that you are important. Your life counts, and you can make a difference in this world. If you ever need to talk about this or anything else, feel free to get in touch with us. We’re here for you.
Domestic Abuse
Domestic abuse is when one person does not show respect to another person, but instead tries to hurt, control, or bully the other person. Abuse is not always physical.
Arguments and abuse are different things. It is normal for parents to argue sometimes. In an argument, both people should feel safe to express their feelings and know they will still be respected and that they will “kiss and make up”, or whatever is appropriate! On the other hand, abusive relationships result in one person who is afraid to be honest and open with their partner.
What if I see domestic violence happening?
Keep safe and try your best to not get involved. If you feel that your life, or the life of another person, is in danger, call the Police. Also it is important to call somebody you trust who can take you to a safe place until your home is safe. Your other options are to tell someone at school, or call a local abused women’s help line.
Coping with Domestic Violence in the Family
It can hurt to watch domestic violence happen, especially for kids whose parents are experiencing domestic violence. When domestic violence occurs in the home, it is not a safe or happy place to be.
You are not alone, you are not weird, and you are not messed up. The domestic violence in your family is not your fault. There is help out of your situation and there is hope.
If you know someone being abused, check out our article “What if someone I know is being abused?” to find out what you can do.
Remember that you are important. Your life counts, and you can make a difference in this world. If you ever need to talk about this or anything else, feel free to get in touch with us. We’re here for you.
What If I Am Being Abused?
If you are being abused, you may feel helpless and out of control. The feelings that come with abuse can be overwhelming, but there are a few important steps that you need to take in order to protect yourself in future:
Tell someone
Let someone you trust know that the abuse is happening. If you feel that there is nobody you can turn to within your family, talk to the guidance counselor within your school or call the police.
Talking to others helps us to work out our emotions and seek additional support. You might want to consider a counselor for support, because abuse can often leave deep emotional scars that take a long time to heal.
If you ever need to talk, you can contact YLC – we’re here for you.
If your life is in danger
If you feel that your life, or the life of someone else is in danger, call the police. It is also important to call someone you trust to help you get to a safe place.
Express yourself
It helps to express what you are feeling in a safe and healthy way. Many young people choose to express their deeper and inner feelings through a journal, art, sports, performance, or music.
This isn’t your fault
Abuse is never your fault. You have the right to be treated with respect.
Remember that you are important. Your life counts, and you can make a difference in this world. If you ever need to talk about this or anything else, feel free to get in touch with us. We’re here for you.
What if Someone I Know is Being Abused?
If someone you know is being abused, you may feel as if you can’t help them. There are some really great ways to be there for a friend that is being abused:
Listen
If a friend is being abused, they may want to talk about it, but they might rather hide it away and pretend that it isn’t happening. If you know that the situation is being handled by the police or other authorities, just be there for your friend. Don’t let them feel useless or out of place, because abuse happens to a lot of people. Remind them that they are special and important, and have a place in this world. Let them know that they are not to blame.
If you don’t think you are the right person for your friend to talk to, let them know about YLC. We’re here for you and for your friends.
If their safety is in danger
If you know that the safety of your friend is in danger, let someone you trust know that the abuse is happening: this could be your parents, a teacher, or even the police. Your friend may get upset with you for doing this, because many families try to keep abuse a secret. But remember, if you are protecting the safety of your friend, you are truly being a friend. Let them know that you care for them.
Talk to someone
You cannot keep abuse a secret. It is important to let someone know what is going on. Also, it can hurt very much to see someone else being abused. Remember to deal with your own feelings as well.
Express yourself
To deal with the pain that you feel from a friend being abused, it helps to express what you are feeling in a safe and healthy way. Many young people choose to express their feelings through a journal, art, sports, performance, or music.
Remember that you are important. Your life counts, and you can make a difference in this world. If you ever need to talk about this or anything else, feel free to get in touch with us. We’re here for you.