Bullying
The problem of bullying is significant enough in our work for us to designate this section the ‘Zero Bully Zone’. Within this section we share our collaborations with other people and other agencies in helping to combat bullying in our schools, our communities and in the workplace.
What is bullying?
Bullying can involve direct physical and verbal aggression, or it can involve more subtle forms of indirect aggression, such as spreading rumours – at school, in the community and online. No matter what your circumstances no-one has the right to bully you and make your life so unbearable that you want to harm yourself or harm anyone else. Your Life Counts is here for you. We’re taking you seriously and we’re listening to you. We have many years of experience working to stop bullying and so please feel comfortable to share with us and to reach out to us. We’re here for you!
Many children and youth find their day to day lives affected by bullying, either as the victim or the bully. Sometimes they can be both victim and bully at the same time as one situation can often spur another. It is also important to note that the act of bullying is not restricted to children. Adults can be bullies too – and their bully tactics can be very similar to those of children. These children, youth and adults are at risk for many emotional, behavioural, and relational problems in relationships in their family and in the community. Very often they will need help, guidance and require support to understand their individual situations to learn coping strategies for the development of healthy relationships and a healthy life.
What about the bullies?
Children, youth and adults who bully are not only having problems with peer relations, they are at risk for many related behavioural and relationship problems as they get older – these problems can include:
- Aggression and violence
- Sexual harassment, dating aggression and violence
- Delinquency, crime and gangs
- Alcohol and/or substance abuse
What about the victims of bullying?
People who have been suffering at the hands of a bully are at risk for a range of emotional, behaviour and relationship problems that can include:
- Low self-esteem and depression
- Being absent from school or work
- Stress-related health problems (e.g., headaches, stomach aches)
- Social anxiety and loneliness; withdrawal and isolation
- Aggressive behaviours towards others that can include becoming a bully themselves.
- In the most extreme cases, suicidal thoughts and suicide
What if someone is being bullied and is also a bully?
No matter whether you are the bully or the one being bullied – or if you are both…you will need help to cope with and understand the feelings and the behaviours you have been experiencing. If you are both a bully and a person being bullied you will have even more needs for guidance and support.
No-one needs to suffer alone. Your Life Counts is here for you. Please share with us online in confidentiality and we will help you move forward.
Am I Being Bullied?
You know you are being bullied when someone, or a group or ‘gang’ make a habit of acting towards you in a way that is meant to hurt you or harm you – either emotionally (your feelings), or physically (your body). They know they are doing it and they do it more than once. If there is someone or a group of people making you feel like you are useless, or you don’t belong – they are bullying you.
There are lots of different ways that bullying happens, much more than just being ‘picked on’. Here are some of them:
Verbal Bullying: If either of these is happening to you, you could be a victim of verbal bullying:
- Someone is spreading nasty rumours about me
- Someone is threatening to hurt me
Physical Bullying: If someone, or more than one person is doing this to you, you could be a victim of physical bullying:
- Pushing; Kicking; Hitting; Spitting; Biting; Pulling; Crowding etc.
(Unwanted touching or contact in any intimate or sexual areas may also be sexual abuse – check out our other links on this site.)
Psychological (Mental) : If any of this is happening to you, you could be a victim of psychological bullying:
- Someone is threatening or scaring me
- Someone is breaking or damaging or hiding my stuff
- Someone is making me do something I wouldn’t choose to do, or don’t want to do
Social Bullying: If this is happening to you, you could be a victim of social bullying:
- Two or more people are ‘ganging up’ on me to make sure I am left out of things and making me feel inferior, unwanted and a ‘loner’
Cyber / Tech Bullying: If any of these are happening to you, you could be a victim of cyber / tech bullying:
- Someone is making threats about me by email / by text / online chat etc
- Someone is spreading nasty rumours about me by email / by text / online chat etc
- Someone is making me feel inferior through the use of online games, tools or other technology
It is possible to be a victim of more than one kind of bullying. If you are being bullied, remember that you are not alone, and bullying is NOT okay. Bullying isn’t a normal part of growing up. Check out our other links about bullying to find out how to deal with bullying in a safe way.
Remember that you are important. Your life counts, and you can make a difference in this world. If you ever need to talk about this or anything else, feel free to get in touch with us. We’re here for you.
How Do I Get Help if I am Being Bullied?
It is important to tell someone that you’re being bullied. It has been proven that bullying will usually stop if an adult gets involved. A great place to start is talking to your parents, your teachers, an adult brother or sister, other relatives, a neighbor, a school counselor, or any other adult you trust. Sometimes it helps to bring a friend along. We do understand it can be scary – but it is worth it. And don’t believe that it’ll get worse for you if you tell – that’s part of the bullying.
If the first person doesn’t work, tell someone else. Sometimes adults think that bullying is a normal part of growing up, especially if it happened to them. Some adults even that it can help you ‘toughen up’. This is not true – bullying is not a normal part of growing up. While it is common, it shouldn’t be, and working with an adult you trust can help you stop it.
Start by finding a safe place (at home, perhaps) and simply tell them that you think you are being bullied. Bring a friend along if that would help. Tell the adult what the bully has done, or is doing, who the bully was, or is (all the names if there was more than one), say who saw, where it happened to you and how often it happened to you. The adult should take action.
If you have been hurt physically (if you have a bruise or a scratch from the bully) go to your school nurse and ask them to help you.
Remember that you are important. Your life counts, and you can make a difference in this world. If you ever need to talk about this or anything else, feel free to get in touch with us. We’re here for you.
How Can I Avoid Getting Bullied?
If a loved one or friend is feeling suicidal, take them seriously. Step in and let them know you care, that there is hope, and that you are there for them. Encourage them to seek help or call a crisis line for direction. Don’t make the promise that you will keep their feelings a secret. You may need to let someone know so you can find help for them.
Depression or thoughts of suicide can affect absolutely anybody. Reassure your friend or loved one that they are not alone. Be encouraging. Depression is very treatable and thoughts of suicide can be turned into positive hope. Encourage them to seek diagnosis and potential treatment options, to speak with their health care provider/doctor immediately.
There is help and hope available. Many people living with depression or thoughts of suicide try to harm themselves because they believe that they’re “stuck this way forever.” This isn’t true. Situations and circumstances do change. Things will get better. Encourage your friend or loved one to take the first step by deciding to seek treatment and support. It will make a vital difference.
Remember that you are important. Your life counts, and you can make a difference in this world. If you ever need to talk about this or anything else, feel free to get in touch with us. We’re here for you.
Why do Bullies Bully?
Bullies come in all shapes and sizes and backgrounds. Usually, bullies are people who have been very hurt at some point and have some kind of insecurity that bullying covers up. In some cases, bullies have home lives where it is okay or normal to shout to get your way. Some copy how they behave from TV, video games, etc. Sometimes the bully has been bullied themselves and they bully to try to make themselves feel better or bigger by trying to make you feel smaller, but it doesn’t work. Sometimes they are pushed into bullying by others in order to be part of a gang. Whatever the reason, the root of it is a search for power or control.
While most bullies have been from difficult walks of life and have had hard times, it is no excuse to treat others in a way that makes them feel bad about themselves. Nobody should put others down for any reason.
The good news is, there is also hope for bullies! It is possible for a bully to change. Bullies “change” for a variety of reasons, but it happens – that’s why we run our program called Bullying 180 – we know that bullies can do a 180 degree turn-around from their lifestyle.
Sometimes, bullies change because the way they acted was just a phase. Sometimes they wake up to how they have hurt others and realize that what they’ve done to their victims is wrong. Finally, sometimes the words of our teachers, parents and other adults we trust can help sway a bully’s behaviour.
A bully is not “stuck” that way forever; things can change.
Remember that you are important. Your life counts, and you can make a difference in this world. If you ever need to talk about this or anything else, feel free to get in touch with us. We’re here for you.
What if my Friend is Being Bullied?
Sometimes it is one of your own friends who is bullying another friend. If you are close to the bully, take a stand and tell them that what they are doing is wrong. If you are afraid of getting bullied yourself, find an adult you trust and let them know what is happening.
Don’t be a bystander – a person who watches and says nothing. Don’t let yourself be an audience to the bullying because that is exactly what the bully wants – bullying is a way of “showing off”. You can step in (when a peer/friend steps in, the bullying stops in under 10 seconds over half of the time), or walk away and encourage others stop being an audience. If you can, help the victim out – do what you would want to have done for you if you were being bullied.
Finally, make sure your friend knows you are there for them – there is nothing better than a good friend.
Remember that you are important. Your life counts, and you can make a difference in this world. If you ever need to talk about this or anything else, feel free to get in touch with us. We’re here for you.